Moral of the Story: Don't Trust a 3 year old!

*DISCLAIMER: If you are not a parent or if you are squeamish about personal hygiene details, STOP READING HERE!*
















So you decided to keep reading, well, continue at your own risk!









Mistake #1: Eating McDonalds last night after we were done sailing.

Why was this a mistake? I have been following Weight Watchers for over 4 weeks now, so my body is no longer used to fast food. Eating those 5 chicken nuggets and 2 french fries did a number on my digestive system.

Mistake #2: Not checking to see how much toilet paper was on the roll before sitting down.

I am sure we have all done this before. If you are lucky, you will have a box of tissues on the back of your toilet to rescue yourself in such a situation. I was not that lucky.

Mistake #3: Thinking to myself, Christian (my 3 1/2 year old) could get me some toilet paper from the bag in the hall upstairs.

It was in plain view. It was easy to find. I thought this would be a simple process. This was my biggest mistake!


So here I was, stranded in my 1/2 bath downstairs with only the 3 1/2 year old to help me. And the following is the dialog that ensued.

Me: Christian...can you go upstairs and get Mommy a roll of toilet paper from the hall?

Christian: Of Course!

**Little footsteps climbing the stairs.**

Christian: I got you toilet paper Mommy!

**Little footsteps coming down the stairs**

Christian: Here Mommy!

**Hands me a very small handful of toilet paper...clearly not enough to help me much**

Me: Thanks Christian!

Christian: You're welcome!

Me: But Mommy needs a WHOLE ROLL of toilet paper. (Knowing that he is very likely to bring me a very small amount again)

Christian: Okay!

**2 minutes of silence**

Me: Christian?

Christian: WHAT?

Me: Are you getting Mommy the toilet paper?

Christian: I AM!

**2 minutes of silence**

Me: Christian?

Christian: WHAT?

Me: Get Mommy the toilet paper, Please!

Christian: I AM!

**2 minutes of silence**

Me: Christian?

Christian: WHAT?

Me: Get Mommy the toilet paper NOW PLEASE!

Christian: I AM!

**2 minutes of silence**

Me: Christian?!?

Christian: WHAT?

Me: What are you doing?!?!

Christian: Watching Team Umizoomi.

Me: Please go get Mommy a roll of toilet paper Now!!

Christian: O-K-A-Y!!! (in a very exasperated tone!)

**1 minute of silence**

Me: CHRISTIAN!!

Christian: WHAT?!?!

Me: Do you want a time out?

Christian: NO!

Me: Then, PLEASE, go get Mommy a roll of toilet paper!

Christian: O-K-A-Y!!! (in the same exasperated tone!)

**Little footsteps climbing the stairs**

**Little footsteps coming down the stairs**

Christian: Here Mommy....I got you toilet paper.

**Hands me a tiny corner of a square of toilet paper...almost microscopic!**

Me (as patiently as I can at this point, although my legs are DEFINITELY asleep now!): Christian...that isn't enough for Mommy. Can you please get me a whole roll of toilet paper? (I even show him the empty roll so that he can get the idea of what I am wanting.)

Christian: Of Course!

**Little Footsteps climbing the stairs**

At this point, I think that we have finally made progress and I will be rescued from my porcelain prison!

**2 minutes of silence**

Me: Christian?

Christian (in a very distant voice): WHAT?

Me: Are you bringing Mommy a roll of toilet paper?

Christian (in the same distant voice): WHAT?!?! (very confused sounding...apparently he got distracted by a toy upstairs and completely forgot why I sent him up there.)

Me: Bring Mommy a roll of toilet paper from the bag in the hallway PLEASE!

Christian: Okay!

**2 minutes of silence**

Me: Christian?!? (losing patience now as my legs are completely asleep, my bottom is freezing cold and I really want to get out of this situation)

Christian: What?!?

Me: Are you bringing me the toilet paper?

Christian: Yeah!

**1 minute of silence** (My patience is wearing very thin, so my responses are getting closer and closer together!)

Me: CHRISTIAN!!!!

Christian: WHAT!?!?!

Me: BRING ME THE TOILET PAPER NOW!!!!

Christian: O-K-A-Y!!! (very exasperated. I apparently am disturbing him at this point!)

**Little footsteps coming back down the stairs**

This time, he brings me 1 square of toilet paper. I attempt to use this 1 solitary sheet to rescue me, but it just isn't enough. Christian in the meantime, has left me in the powder room and gone back to the living room.

Me: Christian? (using a more polite voice)

Christian: What?

Me: Can you please go get Mommy the whole bag of toilet paper?

Christian: In just a minute.

Me: What are you doing?

Christian: Playing Wii Fit Plus!

Me: STOP PLAYING GAMES AND GO GET ME THE TOILET PAPER!!!

Christian: When I'm finished!!

(Seriously contemplating losing my cool at this point...but I choose not to, knowing that if I alienate my 1 ally in this situation, I am not going to be happy!)

Me: Christian (actual PLEADING in my voice now)...can you please bring me the bag of toilet paper? My bottom is starting to hurt!

Christian: Okay.

**Little footsteps climbing the stairs**

**1 minute of silence**

Me: Christian?

**No response**

Me: Christian?

**No response**

I lean forward as much as I can and push the door open (because of course he had to close it on me the last time he left.)

Me: Christian?

**No response**

I am starting to think that he is no longer my ally, but my enemy. I think he is enjoying my captivity and secretly laughing that I am under his control now!

Having listened to me yelling from the bathroom for the past 2 minutes, PJ, my cat, gets curious and comes in. He could care less that I am stranded in the bathroom, he just wants attention. I use him as a distraction to my predicament and pet him like he wants.

After waiting for 2 minutes, I call out again.

Me: Christian?

Christian (distant, muffled sound): Wha?

Me: Are you bringing me the bag of toilet paper from the hall?

Christian (closer, but still muffled sound): Ohay.

Trying to figure out why his words are so muffled, I can only figure that he had gotten a snack from somewhere in Ian's bedroom. I remembered seeing a single bag of goldfish in there yesterday. Apparently, my situation wasn't so desperate to him that taking time for a snack was fine.

Me: PLEASE BRING MOMMY THE TOILET PAPER!!

Christian (voice restored to previous level): O-K-A-Y! (in that same exasperated voice!)

I am now leaning over as far as I can to peer out the door, hoping that my toddling savior would be showing his little face soon.

PJ, the cat, decided that my flat back would be a lovely place to lay down right about now. So now I am stuck, leaning over with my belly flat on my thighs and a cat on my back, purring happily.

Me: CHRISTIAN!

Christian: WHAT?!?

Me: Bring me the bag of toilet paper.

**Sound of the toilet lid upstairs going up**

**1 minute of silence**

**Sound of the toilet lid going down and the toilet flushing upstairs**

Christian: Mommy...I went pee-pee!

Me: That's Great! Now bring me the bag of toilet paper.

Christian: What?!? (in the same confused voice)

Me: Bring...Mommy...the...bag...of...toilet...paper!

Christian: Okay!! (exasperated voice)

**Little footsteps coming down the stairs**

Christian: I got you the toilet paper.

Me: Did you bring the bag of toilet paper?

Christian: YEAH!

PJ, mercifully, has moved off my back and into the sink basin and is now laying there staring at me as I am patiently waiting my release.

Christian appears at the bathroom door, with a handful of toilet paper.

Me: That isn't the bag, but it will do!

Christian: I want a grape! (He gets a grape when he goes pee-pee in the potty.)

I free myself from my porcelain prison, flush, wash my hand and legs fully asleep now, hobble my way into the kitchen to get him a grape.

**10 minutes later**

Christian (from the 1/2 bath): Mommy, I went pee-pee. I need the toilet paper!

Me: In a minute!

Laughing silently to myself...I think about the fact that he left me sitting there for over 40 minutes and then go upstairs to get him a roll of toilet paper.

So the moral of this story....Don't Trust a 3 year old!

All or Nothing!

I am constantly striving to better my life. My current battle is my tendency to be an "All or Nothing" kind of person. When I look at a job that needs to be done, if I can't do it all and do it to my own high standards, I tend to not do it at all. Do you ever find yourself doing this?

How can I find more balance? What have you tried to incorporate into your lives that has helped you accomplish part of a job?

I am currently sitting on my couch, thinking about this while I wait for my late lunch to finish cooking. I am looking around at pockets of clutter that have collected in my house and wondering why I have continued to let them stay the way they are.

I really want to be the kind of person that can at least better my situation, even if I can't do it all.

I want to be the kind of person that doesn't expect things to be perfect when I finish them.

Just last night I was reminded how far I have to go on this journey for balance as I continued to cut stray pieces of ivy that were overhanging the front steps....in the dark...3 hours into my "Operation: Let's not have our front yard look like a dump". Shan just looked at me and said "You are the kind of person that once you start something, you go all the way with it. But then you are so exhausted that you don't do it again for another year."

And he was right! (Yes Honey, I said you are right!)

Today, I am physically drained because I pushed so hard yesterday. I desperately want to clean up the inside of my house today since it is cold and rainy outside. I want to get some laundry accomplished, but again, I am struggling with my All or Nothing personality.

Maybe...just for today...I can settle for making 1 floor of the house better...or maybe even just 1 room.

Maybe...just for today...I can override my All or Nothing mentality.

Maybe...just for today...I can relax a bit and allow myself to better something instead of perfecting it.